silence
nothingness
spending the whole day
waiting

w a i t i n g

eyes closed to reality
dams collapsing
going to bed
empty

on a much less chickee note...i read the "rape of nanking" and "the life of david gale" too...not today, but over the past few days...

rape of nanking made me cringe...the descriptions of how the chinese were treated were so painful...

the senseless killings - imagine digging your own grave, being lined up with hundreds of other men, watching the row in front of you being beheaded, and burying the dead..all the while knowing that you will be next

the sick, cruel rape of innocent women - from 8-year-old little girls to grannies the age of 80...gang-raped, mutilated, having all sorts of weird things stuck up their vaginas, tortured beyond belief before being killed...

it was all so heart-wrenching that it made me cry...xiang gave me a weird look when he looked up briefly from his notes and said, "don't read it if it's so painful"...


the life of david gale tells of an anti-death-penalty activist (professor david gale) who sits on death row, awaiting execution by lethal injection...he'd been charged with and convicted of rape and murder of a fellow activist...

the professor contacted an investigative reporter and, over the last 3 days of his life, tells her his side of the story...the reporter raced against time to save him as she is convinced that he isn't guilty...what follows are the unearthing of the events that led up to the woman's suicide and the wrongful killing of a man...both showing that the death penalty carries with it the undue risk of murdering innocent people, and that legal execution should be stopped...

how can human beings treat each other so cruelly?

spent a quiet day at home today...continuing my anti-social behaviour...

have been reading quite alot these few days...find that books allow me to lose the real world, and enter a more 'steady & complete' realm - one with a beginning, a middle and a definite end...

curled up in bed to "running away from richard" today...by chris manby...about this struggling actress-wannabe (lizzie) whose artist boyfriend dumped her suddenly for a model...she leaves London for LA, and finds herself sharing a cockroach-infested house with an ex-housemate - who's exploring his more feminine side - and another struggling actress.

anyhows...the heartbroken lizzie (looks abit like lizard when typed this way) ends up:

- working as a waitress in a transvestite bar
- she impresses a director when she squeezes the balls of his asshole friend (who grabbed lizzie's breasts)
- the director offers her money to be his girlfriend for the day (he's gay, he has a bloody rich mum who doesn't want to know that he's gay)
- a day turned into a few weeks when his mum manipulated him into proposing to lizzie
- lizzie meets a dishy doctor
- director's mum forces them to marry by lying that she has cancer & will die anytime soon
- dishy doctor saves the day at lizzie's wedding by making a huge commotion and saying that it's all a cover-up (lizzie doesn't love dirrector, director loves his gay personal assistant, mummy isn't dying)
- lizzie returns to london
- lizzie goes to new york for a friend's wedding
- dishy doctor turns out to be friend's new wife's cousin
- happily ever after

it seems like there were alot going on in the story, now that i'm typing a summary of the plot down...well, it's a pretty thick book...but yah..kept me entertained for the better part of today...chickee books rule! haha

i don't want to just be your study-helper
or the one you turn to only when there's noone else around

i don't want to just be your back-up plan
or the one you go to only when something's wrong

i don't want to just be your alarm clock
or the one you call only when you are bored

you say that i've changed -
that i want more now

i think it's just
that i say what i feel more now

i don't want to be some toilet paper
you can use and then throw down the bowl

i want to be more than that to you
much much more

we all die alone

it's the living alone that's hard

i don't need expensive gifts,
i don't need you to be with me 24-7,

but i need to know that you care.

i need to know that i can run to you when i need help
that you will be there to comfort me when things aren't right
that you will hug me tight till the storm passes over.

i need to know that i am not alone in the dark.

live icons of orchard road

uncle b-lost
there always seems to be this blind man with his cane, and bags of tissue paper(?) in the hyatt/tangs area...the last time i saw him, he was sitting on the ground, in the middle of the driveway leading to the carpark..cars zooming past in front of and behind him...and he's just THERE sitting in a little heap, his cane sticking out like an antenna...it was scary..i didn't know what to do..and it's 10+ at night...

before this incident, i saw him standing by the busy road outside hyatt...his cane stuck out, his bags beside him...he looked like he's either gonna cross the road (which would be a feat even for the sighted! i mean, try crossing SCOTTS ROAD, traffic-light-less?!?!), or he's trying to hail a cab...

i was just gonna go to him to find out what he's trying to do, when i saw a BRIX bouncer walk down to help him...uncle b-lost was helped into a cab......

DJ blind
coined DJ blind by gracie (or was it ah lou?), he is a fixture at the orchard underpass...there are supposedly two of them - twin brothers...the singing sensations play a multitude of instruments simultaneously and sings tunes (peppered with "thank you" and the tinkle of coins-against-coins) that liven the otherwise gloomy underpass..gong xi gong xi during the CNY period, jingle bells for christmas, DJ blind never fails to remind us of upcoming "special occasions"...

orchard underpass will never be the same without him/them.


i think dick lee just walked past my desk, in a bright red and dark blue flower-petally shirt..hmmm

3 AC students just walked into Hyatt, triggering a flashflood of images in my mind...

it's quite cute that they are all wearing the (kinda) new t-shirts with ACJC in blocks on the front...one in red, one in blue and one in gold...very err colour-coordinated..

it has been 4, coming to 5, years since i left AC (man, has it been THAT long?!?!?!)...the 2 glorious years of fun, laughter, silliness, sorrows and tears...

i miss AA2
i miss the AA2 cabin with zhenzhufu's footprint on the ceiling
i miss the void deck and the airy area where we sat at
i miss baddy
i miss the sports com and the bright yellow towels
i miss council
i miss the dusty council room, & the lizard corpse in my SA room
i miss the colourful characters in school
i miss going for chapel on monday mornings
i miss singing the AC anthemn
i miss the cheering at swim and rugby finals
i miss AC

hmmm nostalgia......

...

...

"then who does?"

"your mum"

"and?"

"your dad"

"and?"

"me"

(",)

are policemen allowed to use their phones when they're working?

there's a policeman on guard in front of me right now (not guarding me, but providing SOME security for the hotel since we have bigwigs at this event)...i just saw him type an sms...head bowed, eyes fixed on his mobile's screen, fingers busily typing away...he even walked a mini circle, slowly...

and while he's doing that......

a thief could have run past and he wouldn't have noticed...a murderer could have stabbed his victim and ripped his/her guts out without being seen...a terrorist could have fixed a bomb under the car parked right outside the hotel...

hmmm scary shit..i'm hoping he's not the only policeman around...i don't wana DIE...yet... *looks around anxiously*

OH NO the policeman just disappeared!!!!!! *cranes neck* oh...hehz..he just walked behind a pillar...=/ the pillars here are big and fat..but boy is he a skinny policeman...as skinny as the skinny girl walking past the hotel entrance right now..no doubt heading to far east plaza for some hardcore shopping...... *jealous*

am manning the transportation desk now (at hotel lobby), so my colleague can go upstairs to makan...he saved me from being stuck in the secretariat

a couple of cute american guys just walked past my table...looked like basketballers......

a taitai with a VERY nice bag is walking up the stairs to mezza9 (for TEA...CHAMPAGNE TEA?!??!)...those same steps fiona xie trod on when she waltzed in last night...i must admit she's attractive in the pixie-faced, big-boobed kinda way...but hell, she can't act for nuts...

*reminded of tian's BOOBY XIE entry* wahahahahaha

i wonder how many times the hotel cleaners have to wipe the glass doors and walls...

i'm thirsty......and bored......but at least i can people-watch here

b o r e d o m

came in for work @ 7am today...bleary-eyed, achy brains, whole body in snooze mode...2hours of sleep each day is NOT enough...even coffee is but a mild comfort & temporary jolt of life...

it wouldn't be so bad if i actually had work to do...but all i did was read the papers, one ear itching from the earpiece of the walkie...it is such a waste of time!!!

major activity of the day: EATING.

hello?!?!? i'm fat enough!!! old chang kee from next door (i'm working on a 3-day event at the Grand Hyatt), hotel breakfast, i even eat the yucky packet food the hotel provides us (from the staff kitchen)...urgh

i need help. i need to get out of here. i need to work.

it is such a waste of resources, having me and this other part-timer (STUART little) in the secretariat...we spend the whole day doodling, chatting and asking anyone who walks by: "do you have anything for us to do???" coz we're bored outa our wits...and the reply is always negative...

if you don't have anything for us to work on, WHY HIRE US?!?!

i'm not complaining about the money (hell NO!), but it is so unsatisfying getting paid just for sitting around and feeling useless.

i can think of a million other more constructive things to do.

argh

and i know, i just know, that the work will gush in LATER...in the evening/night...when the others realize "oh we can't do everything ourselves" or when they have finally consolidated their thoughts enough to let us know "the things that have to be RUSHED"...

then we'll have to work late into the night

just like yesterday

always go to the loo before a cab ride

always go for the merc cab instead of settling for the silvercab with the crazy cabbie

tian & chua - thank god we all got home in one piece (ok errrr...three pieces)......

steamboat @ tian's last nite......

man, i ate so much i thought i was gonna explode...give 3 girls the power to shop (big mistake, ian wahaha) and you'll end up with shitloads of food...and a yummy steamboat dinner (with plenty leftover for tian's next meal)...

- chua had to lie down on tian's floor after the meal
- dave,nig & chua laughed themselves silly on 'lei MOU chin'
- mike 'the chef' peppered everyone's noses (mmm shiok beef & prawns)
- deb is queen of mushroom-cooking
- gracie shared alot of love (and meatballs)
- clever minmin & netty sat at the tomyam side, quietly savouring their food
- lavi and helly were the prawn-peeling maria & maritess
- i failed to get des to peel prawns for me - he only does it for tian haha
- gracie & i tried out the shaky trampoline - together
- tian had to mop the floor
- the sound system shattered a lightbulb

kudos to tian-the-hostess and ian-the-planner...it was all very nice & domesticated...everyone preparing food, cooking, eating, cleaning up, washing dishes, mopping/sweeping floors and blotting faces (compliments of gracie, who even provided mobile-dustbin services)...

i went for sasha with a cow in my tummy

armin van buuren is G O D and i am still burning with desire...*swoon*

mum & dad got me the larger cake, which is YUM! fawn got me the smaller cake..which she made with PAPER and a plastic container!!! wahaha

happy birthday to us!

me& the funky bdae bbq hostess =)

hmmm wonder who sat on her cake......

singing sensation #1

singing sensation #2

singing senstaion #3

"happy birthday my dear one..."

my babes celebrating my bdae wif me...thank u so much!!!!!!!

i turned 22 in a KBOX BOX......

haha me who can't sing for nuts...spent the early hours of my birthday in a ktv room..how weird's that!?

but i had so much fun and i was happy...all thanks to my babes and everyone who was there and made the night especially special...

not to mention the fact that i had TWO cakes (which makes me 44years old)...and the gang sang a gregarious KBOX rendition of happy birthday...singing along to the words on the tv screen...lyrics that i'v never heard of before...and that went on and on and on...haha it's hilarious..

i nearly cried...

and i sat on a slice of cake...wahaha only a klutz like me is capable of such a thing arhaha couldn't quit laughing...especially when gracie ATE the flattened cake...waste not!

bbq the night before, in honour of xiang's bdae, went well too...with an abundance of food and a huge choc cake compliments of tristan...

it's so lovely being back in singapore...

my last birthday was spent in melbourne..no doubt my melb friends're great company and much cheer, but i missed home so much..esp after receiving a huge cake my mum ordered and got delivered to me...

this 9 of november...i had the company of my closest friends, i spent the day with the one i love, and i had an awesome dinner and a scrumptious cake with my family...

3 fun days, 2 birthdays, 1 happyhappy zenn

this is for hyper dyper "say-my-name"

HELLY!!!!!!!

who gave us that wonderful rendition of bkk bridge is falling down......

in the words of tian : BUSH IS A FUCKING ASS

anyone who is FOR the war is an ass...how can anyone risk and forsake so many innocent lives?! i'm not a very politicky person, but i hate it that those in power can decide who dies...just because they can.

shouldn't they know by now that wars will only cause harm?it's not for betterment, it's no solution to any problems...haven't they learnt anything from the history books?!

that said, bush still gets a second term, despite all the bloopers he's made..maybe he rigged it..or maybe the people have decided to give him a chance to make amends...

let's just hope that he doesn't make things worse.

muahaha gracie is my RIVAL & up&coming event organizer!!! wah, so hiphop, first event already a high class act at fullerton - I WANT!!!

you get luxurious suite, i get fallen bridge - NOT FAIR! haha

i have no need to defend myself
or to give any explanations
except to those who are involved

i feel, i write
this is my blog
and i bear full responsibility for my words

i am not perfect
i don't expect perfection
i don't think there's ever such a thing

maybe you all see the big picture
maybe i am myopic
maybe we're just looking at different drawings

i appreciate your words
i accept, discard or ponder
i respect your views

try to respect mine too

SPECIALLY FOR MY DEAR TAZZY,

GABRIEL CHEAH

your name's on my blog!!! haha

yesterday night was damn drama mama

we'd this cruise planned for the casual dinner...got everyone on board this gorgeous ship - airy upper deck with tables&chairs, tidbits&drinks aplenty..the guests got to try out this wine from Thailand's first vineyard (or so they claim)...didn't get to take a sip though...

the lower deck had a lovely air-conditioned room with 7 stations providing foot and neck and shoulders massage...alot of the guests took up the 10-minute massage offer and there're big grins and thumbs up from those who enjoyed the soothing touch of the therapists...

the 75-minute cruise ride took about 95minutes instead though...and while some guests got impatient, most were still in good cheer, especially when they started karaoke-ing (must be the drinks)! i was glad too..coz the delay meant i had time to squeeze in a foot massage...woooohoooooo after a long day running around in heels, the foot massage made me feel like i was walking on air...

we finally got to the pier and everyone's ready to hop off once the ship docked, when there was

a SPLASH

OH NO did someone fall in!??!?! everyone peered over the rails to see what had happened..

turns out the bridge had collapsed...BANGKOK BRIDGE HAS FALLEN DOWN...*help*

it's this little wooden bridge that links land to a floaty block that the ship's to be attached to..and it's the ONLY way we could get to land, sans going for a swim....the bridge somehow lost it's footing on the floaty bit...and half of it splashed down into the water...

goodness...it's every event organiser's nightmare...unforseen circumstances that you can do absolutely NOTHING about...except pray..

the restaurant and pier staff got to work immediately..somehow, about 8 of them managed to get onto the floaty bit (i think they went for a swim in the yellow, icky chao phraya river..eww)..there's alot of rope-tying and heaving..and it took about half an hour of pushing this and pulling that before they managed to heave to bloody bridge back onto the floaty bit, and secure it with loads of rope...the ship took another 10minutes to maneuver itself into a parked position..

most of the guests remained jolly and said this was the best live entertainment they've had so far *phew* but of course you got the annoyed ones who was grumbling and showing black faces...grrr

there's alot of joking around on who should try the bridge out first haha but finally, in single file, all the guests managed to get off the ship without any mishaps..

DINNER TIME!!!!!!

food was yum...especially this very interesting mushroom soup with coconut milk...but we're all doing damage control, and didn't have much time to eat...

yes..damage control...while the guests were enjoying their food in the sprawling lawns of SUAN TIP (supposedly one of the best restaurants in thailand), we made hurried calls back to the hotel for my 3 colleagues who stayed behind, to churn out personalized letters to apologize for the "trauma" caused...our client actually cried coz she's so stressed... =/

of the 200 event guests, we had to weed out the names of the 90 who actually went for the casual dinner, and room drop personalized letters and a gift (a bottle of wine or a box of hand-made chocs if they're muslim)...all these had to be done in a couple of hours..so that they will have the gifts in their rooms once they get back to the hotel

it was a frenzy...

but all's good and done...*phew* the rest of the night after we got back from dinner (at midnight) was spent churning out personalized departure and recreational activity letters...*sighz* i'll be so glad when this is over......

i wana go shopping!!!!!!

those were just especially fishy prawn roe ok...you should try the not-so-fishy-smelling ones! mmm yuuuummmmmmmmm

ahhhhhh taaaaaaannnnn!!!!!!!!!!!! oh man oh man!!!!!!!!!! how've you been?!?! BANGKOK's the city of angels...i don't know why though..haven't seen many angels around......

i sit here and i think of how great it'd be if my friends're here to explore this city of angels with me..