one of the toughest places to hail a cab?

comfort del gro building.

oh the irony of it all.

5 hours of sleep (or less) is barely enough to last me the whole day, especially if i'm expected to travel to woodlands and back. but ah well. i'm still alive *grin*

some visuals to clear my mind, before going back to work. i sense a long night ahead. booo.

my girl clare popped by last week, and it was great seeing her again. has been awhile since we last spent time together in melbourne and our cosy get-together at edmund's house (complete with too many cheese sausages and a mountain of mash) was a sweet reunion. we even watched the all england baddy finals! sure did bring back memories of training in uni!

gracie and i tried out the sun with moon japanese dining & cafe at wheelock (what a mouthful) and it turned out to be a fantabulous choice. great jappy service, lovely ambience, and the food was simply delicious *droooool*

that's cod on the bottom left...melts better than any m&m.

we went to zouk last night for some mambo action that saw me gazing in wonder at the para para GUYS on the platform. at least there was some sanity in our comfy corner:

only stayed for a couple of hours, but it was long enough. lalala, back to work. *groan*

a good morning...if you don't take into account my terribly wonky internet connection.

somehow managed to wake up early, showered for the 2nd time in 5 hours, and got ready without much hassle. the bus came once i reached the bus stop; my train pulled in 30 seconds after i got to the platform. there were no smelly people standing near me this morning, and since i was early, the carriage wasn't sardine-packed (i even had space to wriggle my toes!).

started on what promises to be a pretty good read - clive james' even as we speak - which is a collection of insightful essays by the witty journalist (the eraser trick worked - my book's nice and stickerless!).

took a breezy walk to the office from raffles place station, and i even made a detour to get a cup of coffee coz it just felt like one of those starbucky mornings. the cheery staff at this outlet never fails to make the early hour seem less dreary.

the sun was peeking out from behind the tall buildings when i continued my solitary stroll to the office. sprung up the 3 steep flights of stairs to find that i'm the first one in today (woohoo!) and the quiet confines of the office provided a rather calming (though quickly turning frantic) atmosphere to start the workday with.

now, i just need to get down to working on that presentation - am giving a talk to a bunch of kids in a primary school in bloody woodlands later. oh poo. *help*

fell in love
with a dress.
sort of.

didn't get it when i first saw it last friday
coz i thought, hey, there's still time to look around.
when i went back yesterday
they didn't have it in my size anymore.
but they offered to alter a bigger one for free.
the only down side is the price...
hmmmmm

that is the question.

was cleaning up my messy room at mum's behest yesterday, and i ended up spending a great deal of time sifting through notes/cards/letters that i'd received donkey years ago.

all the shiftily-scrawled messages passed under the desks during classes; all the letters-that-look-like-essays written to give false "i-am-hardworking" impressions; festive wishes from people i've lost touch with; stuff i wrote but never sent out...etc.

encouragement, appreciation, silliness, love, heartaches, cheeriness. shared. close friends from way back when, now merely names from a distant past. words i'd forgotten i ever received. a chronicle told by third parties, as compared to now, when i pen my days in my planner. a part of my colorful history, all stored in those few shoeboxes at the bottom of my shelf.

i open them less often as the years rush by. old-school modes of communication have ceased to be popular (remember the times when we bought colored pens and scoured for pretty paper?) and everyone's caught up in the high-tech whirl and are too busy to bother with little things like sending handwritten memos of the non-businessy kind.

the precious few i've received in the past year sit neatly (albeit rather lonely-ly) in a shiny new weetabix tin box, patiently waiting for new arrivals to jostle them for space. i don't know how long it's going to take to fill this box up, but i think i'm going to go back to my old ways and start adding to other people's weetabixes.

it sure beats going through an inbox (shall not think about combustibility).

my past holds sweet, tangible memories...i wonder what the future will bring.

another quiet weekend...friday was simple, refreshing, and spent with my lovelies by the breezy singapore river coz we got sick of town and headed to bakerzin at fullerton for some change in scenery:


i didn't even know that the merlion was so near by until the rest suggested that we walk over:

found a cosy spot and settled in. it was such a beautiful night and our surroundings inspired us to take many photos (thanks feng =)):

it also made us do some rather strange things...

...like pose with random chinese new year decorations, gaze at the river upside down (very pretty!), and make a human bridge complete with hobos taking shelter underneath.


my favourite individual photos from the night:

another weekend's past and we are almost done with the first month of 2006. chinese new year's just round the corner - i nearly died from cleaning up my room today...and it's not completely done yet. bleah. but at least the workout (from sneezing coz of all the dust) burned some calories (new year goodies are YUMMYYYYY!!!).

another work week ahead...oh i'm so gonna regret staying up to post these pictures *grimace* =P

memoirs of a geisha made me want to go all japanese-y...don a gorgeous and ridiculously heavy silk kimono, shrug on a majestic chinchila-collared winter coat, wear 8-inch platforms (not!) and eat sashimi (even though that wasn't featured in the movie - rice and pickles just don't do it for me).

wonder what i would look like after i plant face-first into white powder, paint my lips a startling red, have blue-grey irises, pull my hair up (once it's grown long again) and decorate my bun with dingly dangly ornaments.

will i be able to stop a man with a single glance (as in seduce him, not freak him out)? *cheeky grin*

somehow, i doubt it. but it would be interesting to get all dressed up in the whole geisha attire and learn their dances and rituals. not that i was impressed with zhang ziyi's ziyi zhang's dancing of course - her mad woman flailing about and suddenly flying off her sky-high platforms act was just hilariously dumb.

gong li, however, was a fantastic hatsumomo. she's strikingly beautiful and so good as a catty, viscious, goes-slightly-psycho and desolate geisha. gong li beats ziyi zhang hands down. anytime.

suzuka ohgo also trumped ziyi zhang, and while she didn't come across as strong a little girl as she was portrayed in the book, the movie version of young chiyo was adorable. helped that she's authentic japanese, of course.

speaking of japanese, ken watanabe is THE MAN. tall, dark, handsome...actually, more charismatic than handsome, but oh, what an imposing figure, what an awe-inspiring, drool-worthy man. *swoon*

you think he'll fall in love with me if i turn geisha?:

don't have enough photoshop skills to paint myself white and do up the whole thing, but you get the...er...vague idea. arhaha. hope i don't give anyone nightmares =P

lest this becomes a "complaints" blog, i shall put in a disclaimer (even though only friends read this blog and friends should already know these stuff heh).

i'm not a grumpy frumpy old hag with nothing better to do than to gripe about the terrible-ness of life and the low standards of customer service and the disgusting weather and etc etc.

i'm actually a gorgeous, spritely young thing with razor sharp wit and a cheery outlook on life. i'm really diligent at work (i can blog only coz i am very good at multi-tasking) and i do have my silly and/or bimbotic moments.

i'm anal though, and not just because i like anal sex *gasp* did i just say that? nah...i haven't actually tried it. heh. i am anal lah...and fussy and vain and stubborn (hey, only the best for me man! haha)...some things you just cannot run away from. =P

but i'm really nice.

so there you go. now, just love me k? i'm harmless. *innocent puppy eyes and all*
-----

yes, you are permitted to roll your eyes. i'm bored lah ok, and tired and cranky. i've been buried under piles of accounts these past few days, and we all know i'm no good with numbers. this is my only "venting outlet" while i'm chained to a desk that has a disgusting jumpity spider creeping about and a fly and a mosquito buzzing around. so please humour me. *help* i'm insane.

you know those stickers that some bookstores paste on their goods (for pricing, scanning, security and whatnots)? well, do they really have to be so super duper adhesive?!

i spent such a long time trying to peel the sticker off the cover of my new book yesterday, and it finally came off only to leave millions of little sticky bumps. i took ages doing the tiak-tiak-tiak thing - using pieces of tape to encourage the bumps to let go of my book and hang on to the tape instead - and it's still not perfectly bumpless.

we all know that these bumps will get dirty and end up being not-very-sticky black/grey icky bumps. oh yuck.

i got these books from a fair (well, actually, my sister did), so i really shouldn't be complaining since they're so cheap. but still?! popular does it to their stuff too - rolls of super sticky tape suffocating a poor little pen.

i know i'm anal, but i like my new books...new. fresh clean covers, crisp pages, perfect print, new-smelling. and stickerless.

sometimes i like to get away from this maddening shroud
sometimes i love, you know, it's all insane
maybe it's time for me to pack it in
maybe it's time for me to track it in
maybe it's time for me to throw...

sometimes i like to get away from the saddening crowd
sometimes i feel my life is all in vain
maybe it's time for me to pack it in
maybe it's time for me to track it in
maybe it's time for me to throw...

oh, i've got a good mind to throw it all away
throw it all away
throw it all away
after all, what is it worth?

some days my strength walks out
some days i can't go out
it is for real
we can walk about
we can work it over and over and over...

i've got a good mind to throw it all away.

maddening shroud
~ frou frou ~

this nagging feeling.

there are days when i feel on top of the world, when nothing can drag me down and i'm sealed up in my little wonderland where the sun shines brightly, the stars twinkle, the rainbow's a perfect curve, and a cow jumps gleefully over the moon.

and then there are the OTHER days - filled with dread and dark skies, self-consciousness and self-disgust. when almost every thought seems negative and everyone i speak to seem cold. when i constantly think, "it's not them, it's me".

the constant struggle to figure out what it was that i did wrong, or whether i did anything at all. the need to defend, and yet not knowing if there even is a war ensuing. a misunderstanding? over-sensitivity? just plain pms?

confidence flees and i shrink back into my little hideyhellhole - alone physically, yet it's so so crowded here in my head. thinking for myself, thinking for others, thinking of what others think of me, thinking if they should bother me, thinking thinking thinking.

those who matter to me can affect me the most. but then i guess that's quite a duh thing to say. those who don't matter, well...sticks and stones...but it's never all that simple either is it?

i wish i can shrug it off and just say "i don't care".

regretfully, i can't.
-----
you know you're having a bad day when the simple act of making a cup of tea causes you to scald yourself.

mid-day nuggets by a disgruntled no-collared worker

a *beep* rude cabbie

"hi, gallery hotel please"
"huh?"
"gallery hotel please"
"where?"
"er...gallery hotel"
"what road?"
"er...i don't know"
*raises voice* "you don't know the road then how i drive?"

fucked-up. whatever happened to customer service? if a cabbie doesn't know where a hotel (or anywhere else, for that matter) is, at least be nice about it and either:

1. offer to look it up in the street directory or
2. apologize and suggest i take another cab

NOT SHOUT AT ME for not knowing the name of the freakin' road and take it out on me just coz you're incompetent! i sure hope he doesn't treat tourists that way too. rah.
-----
lunch at miharu (finally!) with feng, cheryl and lam was cold noods with hot miso soup, which was yummilicious ('cept for the millions of spring onion and icky corn). terribly salty though! *gulps down water*
-----
loon drove. tsktsktsk. he met us after we were done with lunch, and drove us to king centre. we got there alive *applause*
-----
my ipod's acting up. it keeps dying and showing me a pathetic "battery-with-an-exclamation-mark" sign, with a note informing me that batt's low and that i need to plug it to a power source.

thing is, i just charged it a few days ago and i haven't used it much! the battery level magically dwindled from 3/4 power (when i first turned it on yesterday) to exclamation mark after just 3 songs.

oh booooo. charging it now. if that doesn't cure it, i'll have to give my favourite applecare iNeh a call.
-----
from when i turned my lappie on at 9am this morning till now (4pm), i received more than 80 of the same email sent by one of my committee members. EIGHTY (and counting). whassup?!?!
-----
it's pouring. again.

lain lain gold ahwhey
gum ahgain arnarder lay
*does the lain lance*

sight
sound
smell
taste
touch

missing.

we all meet thousands of people during our stints on earth, but there are so few who actually make a difference and touch your heart.

the hi-byes, the seen-onces, the blurry faces - quantity, but of no quality. people who may be part of the network, but who don't really give two hoots about you. and whom you don't really care for.

as opposed to those who stay by your side through your ups and downs, who trek with you on life's trails, who tell you truths and provide mutual support and comfortable companionship. the ones who don't flee when the going gets tough, and with whom you may have disagreements but will also bother to talk things through.

not forgetting the ones on middle ground - not quite acquaintances, yet not close friends. the party people perhaps, out for a good time, yet mostly not in there for the hellrides.

it's not all so clear-cut of course, but i guess my point is that i am thankful for the handful of people who mean such a great deal to me, who bring me such joy and who i can turn to in times of need.

knowing that you are there for me makes all the difference. and i hope i can do the same for you.

the sun's finally out and it spent a part of friday the thirteenth blazing like it was trying to make up for lost rays. the day itself kinda sucked coz things didn't go quite the way i wanted them to, but i guess i can't do anything about that. my bad. ah well.

sometimes confidence flees you when you most need it.

but: thank you for the sweet words and the encouragement. they meant a great deal to me =)

anyway...since it wasn't pitter pattering, we met up at 85 for a quiet friday night of comfortable conversation, laughs and way too much food.

camera shy all of a sudden...except for brave fredfrog and me. and yes, that's a short scarf round my neck, compliments of feng.

we got up to some really spastic stuff:

it's fun putting your fingers together like this, and opening and closing them with the tips still stuck to each other.

it's also fun to march with your right arm swinging forward when your right foot steps in front, and then the left arm moves with the left foot forward - it's not as easy as it sounds.

met up with lou after and the 5 of us chilled by the beach till the wee hours of the morning. it was a quiet night, and one that's infinitely more fulfilling than one spent out hitting the clubs.

relatively big day tomorrow - i'm a little worried.

but ah well. good luck to me! =S

gracie sms-ed:

"little boys are so adorable :) there's a pair of very cute acs(i) boys. i think sec one in spanking new uniforms and full of innocence and politeness. why do hormones have to kick in? boo"

i concur.

before they get all corrupted, boys are such lovely beings - especially the handsome ones (yes i am superficial). sweet, well-spoken, bright-eyed little gentlemen with natural charms that can sweep any lady off her feet (in the good way, not in the painful way guys do it). no swearing, no cheating on girls, no toying around (except with non-human toys).

then they grow up. or rather, they get older. and bigger. and meaner. booooo.

disclaimer: i am no paedophile. *thinks rabbit shirt* - i should really go get it. heh.

*squish*

it's been pouring for 5 days straight
and it doesn't look like it's letting up anytime soon.
overcast skies, gloom and doom all around
puddles and swimming pools everywhere.
*skip, hop, jump*
lovely.

it's been chilly and all i want to do is snuggle
pity that isn't possible.
i've been braving the big bad watery world instead,
alone with wet feet, cold hands, and an on-going cough.
piping hot green tea never tasted so good.

i love the rain
but i think it's time the sun comes out to play.
*squish squish*

in today's newpaper:

"he celebrated his 32th birthday yesterday."

how do you pronounce that? thirty-tooth?

visual backtrack, sort of.

4th january 2006 - MoS -

a night of too much moet in the vip room, making nice new acquaintances, hanging out with old friends, and some drama.

7th january 2006 - loon's, zouk -

poolpizzapoolparty saw me eating a slice of yummy meat lover's after a huge dinner at zion rd with the family. i am fat. dave seaman sucked.

9th january 2006 - town, mr bean -

lunch at sushi tei was a terribly lousy katsu don, but i had good company - thank you for our little bit of normalcy =) (shall spare you the photos even though i don't think you look half bad in them heh).

dinner: dtf's xiao long bao and pork chop fried rice rock my world (too busy stuffing my face to take photos). tangs should bring in more bonds underwear at cheaper prices.

gracie got sponsorship for her gorgeous new bag, and yay ah lou's back!

10th january 2006 - town, outback -

selamat hari raya haji. yay selamat no-work-holiday!

wore my uggs out coz the 3-day rain was still falling and it's terribly chilly (excuses excuses). copped a few stares but...ah well...what better day to bring my uggs out for a stroll?! *grin*

town was too crowded...gracie, lou, steff and i walked quite a bit, but i didn't buy anything (self control!). gracie got her dior! i also want!

ate so much (seem to be doing that way too often lately) - lunch at 2pm, sun moulin bread at 4.30pm, crystal jade at 5pm, outback at 8pm. *groan*

i think it's time to start exercising again.

how many people can you pack into a train?

i don't know. but i think my carriage set a record this morning.

damp hair in my face, elbows jabbing my boobs, the entire enclosure smelling of a mix of perfume, soap, body odour, wet dogs... yuck.

it's made all the more annoying when i looked in and saw passengers lounging comfortable in the middle of the carriage, with 5cm's radius of precious space around each of them (a sheer luxury compared to the body-on-body crap i was facing). bloody idiots should just move the hell in.

being stuck in there was worse than being in a sardine tin ('cept a tad less fishy). and it didn't help when this fat lady (sorry, she really was fat. and sweaty.) barrelled in at paya lebar. the door almost closed on her, but she escaped by putting her entire bodyweight on the poor passengers standing next to her. then she barged her way towards the middle of the carriage, squashing all the little people who were in her path of destruction.

i became a pancake on one of the side panels. not a pretty sight. such a perfect start to the day. =S

time - somehow it always seems to work against me.
don't play games.
honesty is the best policy.
don't hide.
i try. i really do. even when i shouldn't bother to sometimes.
i wish that what i believe in is not just me being silly.

it is impossible to properly put my thoughts to words.

check this out: memoirs of a geisha - a sneak peek!

ARHAHAHA thanks to hocky for this hilarious clip.

oh, and was watching the real trailer of the movie on telly just now: if the voice over called zhang ziyi "ziyi zhang", shouldn't gong li's name be announced "li gong" instead? some consistency please?! *anal* =P

mortality.

sometimes it strikes from out of nowhere, this acute realization that hey, i'm not going to live forever. i mean, i know that i'm not immortal, but sometimes i just don't think about it and i procrastinate and leave things to the future. "i can try that next time/do it later/there'll be other chances" etc. famous last words.

death scares me. the darkness, the unknown, the loneliness. and even though i know that relief can/might come from death, it still seems like such a...somber thing.

will i go with a bang (and in a mangled mess)? or will i pass on quietly, with peaceful dignity?

if i die tomorrow, will people still be sending me sms-es coz they don't know that i've gone? will i get a friendster message worded in bad english 2 weeks down the road, asking if i care to be friends? will my blog stay on the web forever, with its last post not quite conclusive?

the fragility of a human life.

sometimes it may seem like we're all so important - making up this earth and moulding our world. but we can just cease to exist in the next moment. and who will remember us then?

all those people who have lived and died; all those who have carved their paths, walked them well, then left them to be taken over by overgrown weeds - what do they leave behind? a legacy that perhaps can inspire future generations, but is eventually cast to the back of one's mind? or something more tangible?

what will i leave behind?

i guess the positive thing to say is, carpe diem. we don't know what's in store for us in the future anyway, and we don't know when we will be removed from humanity, so why not seize the day? do whatever we want to do, live life to the fullest (and all those other appropriate cliches)...

i want to live a happy life, learn as i grow, bask in love, sing a song of sixpence lalala. i want to have a funeral with my loved ones mingling and having a fantabulous time celebrating what/who i've been. i want to go with a certain contentment.

but i don't want to die, yet.

(no, i don't know why i'm filled with morbid thoughts. yes, i know i just ended my post rather abruptly.)

i'm fresh outta kiddy camp and it has been a pretty wild couple of days.

getting holed up in a primary school with about 50 grubby, smelly young ones isn't exactly my idea of a good time, but i did have a rather fun experience. it has been ages since i last was a part of any camp thingamajigs, plus i actually had to be a leader (or ranger, as we called ourselves) this time round, so i started off a tad worried about whether i will be able to handle stuffs.

but of course, me being the mad, gung-ho (riiiiight) kinda girl, i took it in my stride and worked my kiddie magic (that sounds kinda paedophilic) and it turns out that i haven't totally lost my charms. =p

the thing about working with kids (in this case, a group of 10/11-year-olds) is that you get to immerse yourself in their little lalaland - where fairies might still exist, where knowing where a so-called celebrity lives means you know "a lot of people", and where a serious "i dunch fwen you anymore" lasts for 5 minutes.

but of course, kids are much more complicated now (i'm trying not to use the words warped or disturbed) than when i was a primary fiver - don't think the words "he's my ex-boyfriend" came outta my mouth till i was years older.

that bright-eyed innocence still lingers though (thank god), and while some of them are trying so hard to be all grown-up and worldly, it's great to be able to indulge in some silliness that sometimes just isn't appropriate in the "adult" world.

i mean, for two whole days, i cheered "campfire campfire light our camp, campfire campfire fireflies are here" with gusto (nope, no way that's ever gonna sound good) and made wacky signs with my fingers and contorted my face into a million different expressions that i didn't even know i was capable of.

so yeah, it was pretty fun. there were, of course, the requisite moments of not-so-fleeting frustration when they're simply being brats and i felt like wringing their necks and actually drawing some blood, but i kept myself under control and these kids were spared the "vampy" side of me.

was so totally knackered today though coz i only had an hour's sleep last night, but i bear testimony to the fact that nescafe ice coffee works when it comes to keeping you awake. think i would be out cold by now if not for the can i drank at lunch. had to work harder at not getting grumpy though!

got home all stinky but a good scrub took care of that...now i just need to catch up on some sleeeeeeep...but not before i get some dinner in me *oink* =P

p.s. is it just me or is msn acting up? i've been trying to log in for about an hour now and it just keeps telling me that the service is temporarily unavailable! suuccckkkksssss!

coz i was so terribly bored at work, and coz i lub my laling so much (i should really learn to prioritize my reasons heh), i went down to zion rd to have lunch with feng and the LAMinator - shiokadoos fried fish mee sua!!!!!! and word of the day is "PERTURBED".

lam's scary when he rahs. even scarier than me.

it's a scorcher of a day today, and i totally do not want to be cooped up here in the office. sucks. (daydreams of wakeboarding, spending a day at the beach, sleeping in, hanging out......) it sucks that i don't like bits of my work. it sucks that that makes me procrastinate and weighs me down. and then it all goes downhill from there. boo. argh. *oh quit whining already*

let's just start the new year by doing THE LAM:

i am perturbed. heh.

an entire weekend of merry-making equates to a whole slew of photos. so righty-o...here we go!

friday 30th december 2005

last year (*guffaws*), acjc's 24th students' council met up at their zhong tong's place for a get-together:


woot it's been ages since we last had a proper group shot taken - don't we look like we're still in j2? haha so many people couldn't come, but it was great catching up and playing polar bear (*groan*) with those who did =D

saturday 31st december 2005 - sunday 1st january 2006

new year's eve saw me at my aunt's place having a huge celebratory dinner with the extended family:

not exactly a full turn-out either, but we had a great time reminiscing (that did make me feel old! even though my little cousin said that i look younger than my 21-year-old cousin muahaha)!

off to zouk after, just coz majority of my dearies were there, and i started the new year by actually consuming some alcohol! *gasp*



but i didn't get drunk. nor did i fall asleep on the dance floor. heh. wait, i don't think i even made it to the dance floor, coz the music sucked big time. it would have been so super duper boring if it hadn't been for the people.

and my laling minmin wasn't there (booooo) so i haven't seen her for a whole year! but i still lub her deepdeep heeeee...and thanks doopz for coming down and making me sip from the icky bottle of red wine haha

monday 2nd january 2006

a quiet second day of the new year's spent with the family at the club. took a much-needed swim though it hardly made up for all the food i've eaten over the past weeks...

and it didn't help that we ended the day with a scrumilicious meal at the club's chinese restaurant:

on the long journey home (club's at tuas, near the 2nd link!), sis and i got to some photowhoring, and i discovered the different functions of our new panasonic lumix:

warm, sepia, black&white...among many others.

and thus ends my long post. time to get back to work - heaps of it just waiting for me. it's tough settling down to work after all those activities from the week past. and i've got kiddycamp tomorrow and thursday...man oh man...*help*

happy new year everyone! much love to all! *MUACKS*

byebye 2005

scary how a year has passed me by so quickly,
but i guess that's what everyone says about time.
good riddance to the old year?
nah...
it's been a rollercoaster ride,
but i think 2005 went pretty alright.

i live, i learn.

i am, by nature, a nostalgic person,
but hey, there're always good things to look forward to.

hello 2006
*blows on my zouk whistle*