You possess incredible beauty, yet it means nothing to you. What you dream of is adventure, storybook romance, seemingly unnattainable and yet, these dreams are as real to you as the things you can see and touch. Appearance counts less that the heart. You are not afraid of intelligence; of knowledge- you seem to have a hunger and knack for it already. You are brave- willing to give yourself up for others, and though others think you "odd" you see the bigger picture-- something not many people can.

--------

hmmm i actually DID this retarded quiz...arhaha i'm the queen of procrastinators! all hail me! (i'm mad too) --- WHERE'S MY BEAST??!?!?!

i have a love-hate relationship with cab drivers.

i love them when they're friendly uncles who get me to my destination smoothly & quickly. i hate them when they're bloody rude ah sengs who either crawl through traffic or try to crash the car.

have been on quite a fair number of cab rides these past weeks, what with my busy busy work schedule and lazy-can't-be-bothered-with-going-public attitude, and here are some of my experiences:

1. fatherly uncle picked me up from zouk and sent me home, making polite & interesting conversation all the way (which doesn't happen too often seeing that i am me and i am anti-social). he told me his life story, told me about his family, and we ended the trip with him showing me the photo of his daughter - my age, joined miss singapore a couple of years ago. the cab ride was a breeze...


2. grumpy frumpy old ah pek shouted at my colleagues and i when we took awhile to load up his cab with several boxes. i'd have taken another cab if the damn boxes weren't so heavy and if i wasn't in such a hurry. he niamniamniam-ed all the way, and to top it off, screamed: "NI MEN BU ZHI DAO LU HAI DA TAXI ZHUO SHEN ME?!?!?!?!" (translated: why you take taxi when you don't know the way?!?!?!) when we couldn't give him directions to our destination. i was, by then, too frustrated to say anything. when my (very patient) colleague voiced out that it's precisely because we don't know the way that we had to take a cab, it just set him off on yet another nonsensical tirade. he tried to make amends though, by giving us 10cents off the cab fare, and helping us carry the super heavy boxes outa the cab, and apologizing for his horrendous behaviour. good thing he did too, or his name and licence plate number'd have found their way to citycab's complain centre. hrmph.


3. screwed up ah mat screeched the cab to a stop when i made the innocent remark: "uncle, i think should have made the left turn that just past, will get there faster". he turned and shouted "WHY YOU NEVER TELL ME?!?!?!? ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT I WANT TO CHEAT YOU!??!?! SO WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO NOW?!?!? GOES-STUN IS IT??!! YOU WANT TO GET OFF HERE? GO DOWN THIS ROAD ALSO WILL GET THERE, 10 CENTS MORE VERY EXPENSIVE IS IT?!?!?!? YOU GET OFF HERE AND WALK LAH!" i grabbed my stuffs and was all prepared to get outa the cab when he suddenly drove off again. i was FUMING and he shouted all the way. when we finally got there, he said, "OK I GIVE YOU 20 CENTS OFF OK!!! SO IT WILL BE THE SAME. SO DON'T SAY THAT I CHEAT YOU OK!?!?!" i gave him the freakin' money, got outa the cab and slammed the door (yes, i know i shouldn't do that, but WTF!!! it's fucking early in the morning, i was already late, and i didn't get in a cab expecting to be screamed at by some malay dickhead). he got out of the cab and stormed to me! "WHY YOU SLAM THE DOOR? THE DOOR SPOIL HOW? YOU PAY IS IT? YOU ARE A LADY YOU KNOW?! YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR ATTITUDE!?!?!" excuse me, attitude? i wanted to say that yes i'm a lady so i can't be bothered squabbling with you, but i figured ladies wouldn't lower themselves to even talking to that mean piece of shit. and yes i KNOW that it is unladylike to slam the door that hard and walk off with my nose in the air, but WARRAUZ MY PENT-UP FRUSTRATION NEEDED SOME RELEASE! RAH!!!!!!!!!!!


4. irritating think-he-so-clever ah seng started off friendly, till he began talking WAY TOO LOUDLY and almost bursting my eardrums with his political talk, spreading his anti-government propaganda, talking big about how he has worked all over the world - what 3 years in new york, 4 years in paris, 4 months in australia etc etc. and he kept pushing "you've been overseas for so long, why you come back? i tell you, you go overseas, you will see that singapore is nothing. singapore's only good for holiday. singapore government sucks. i know alot of things you don't know one. the government people sometimes invite me to hang out with them overseas, the things i hear, alot of things happen you don't know one blahblahblah." nothing i said will make a difference. so after awhile, i gave up and just stewed silently. i just wish he didn't keep talking so loudly - gave me a freaking headache!

hmmm the horror stories seem to outnumber the nice ones...but of coz, these are just some of the more er...colourful incidents...

maybe it's just me lah...i'm a weird-people magnet......(says alot about me...pffft)

edited:
i told xiang about this when we're talking over the phone last night. first thing he said was: your beef beehoon soup only ONE beef ball ah? i thought usually have beef ballS (-_-)

--------------
didn't feel like eating, yet i knew i should eat coz i was hungry. so i walked around amoy food centre for eons today, before settling on what to get for lunch.

"auntie, yi ge beef and beef ball chu mee fen tang...bu yao...er...youtiao"
(translated: auntie, one beef and beef ball thick beehoon soup without...er...youtiao)

YOUTIAO. i dodn't know where that came from. the auntie looked at me and burst out laughing.

"bu yao dou ya shi ma!? hahaha"

"ah dui...dou ya..."

i couldn't stop laughing at myself.

jeez......

diarrhoea, brit variant of diarrhea, strikes.

i just realized that diarrhoea sounds like dire-rear.

ok, not exactly discovery of the century, but i'd never thought of it that way. heh

there's a very fine line between love and hate.

but what a damn lot of gray areas too.

i wish i can stop thinking.

it feels like a misty autumn morning in melbourne.

a semi-dark sky, wet streets, dewy leaves & pearly drops on blades of grass.

and the air. that familiar, cold, refreshing breeze that whispers the secrets of the world as it plays catch around you.

it feels like such a long time ago, when i last roamed the streets of melbourne, all bundled up for warmth. breathing in the piercingly cold air has a strange way of waking you up, yet also soothing you to a drugged dream-state as you stroll down the dark lanes of the city.

and i miss wearing my short skirt with purple uggs and layers of warm clothing topped with a woolly scarf.

i am procrastinating, not wishing to do anything related to work even though i'm AT WORK.

things have been absolutely crazy here coz the big MILK RUN is coming up on 3rd july and i'm scurrying around trying to get things done, while fervently hoping that i'm not missing anything out. help! *squeak*

*tries very hard to take a deep breath* oooohhhhhhmmmmmmmmm.....

with my coffee in front of me, and my wheat crackers in one hand, i shall attempt netty's quiz - just coz she surprised me by writing that i'm one of the 3 she would like to see take the quiz (i'm so obliging, can't stand it haha) and also coz she likes the kid's name don't know. poor kid.

here goes nothing...

3 names you go by: zenn | yinrou | zhensoon (i have more leh, like zhenzhen, ah soon, rou, ZENN SOON, oei, and eh)

3 screen names you've had: raelska | iamzenn | er...raelska (yes, i'm boring)

3 physical things you like about yourself: my eyes, small as they are | my silky skin (this is just for the benefit of gracie & feng) | my tan

3 physical things you don't like about yourself: my fats | pimples | armpits (this is specially for colin)

3 parts of your heritage: teochew | chinese | singaporean (? what kinda question is this?)

3 things that scare you: falling ill | leaving a comfortable past | being left out of my loved ones' lives

3 of your everyday essentials: wallet | mobile | shower

3 things you're wearing right now: jeans (!) | fossil watch i bought for my sis for her birthday | my heart on my sleeves (even though i'm wearing a spaghetti top)

3 of your favourite bands or musical artistes: swim shadys | jay chou | armin van buuren (counted?)

3 of your favourite songs: time after time | can't help falling | staring at the sun

3 things you want in a relationship: wild, fun love | faithfulness & honesty | mutual respect

2 truths and a lie: i'm at work | i want to sleep | i love smoking

3 physical things about the preferred sex that appeals to you: lean, v-shaped torso (read: broad shoulders, small waist) | sincere eyes | warm hands that will grasp mine securely

3 of your favourite hobbies: reading | swimming | taking photos

3 things you really want to do badly right now: be with x | get fresh air (real fresh air, not the phony city shit) | get a puppy

3 careers you have considered: news presenter | events organizer | journalist

3 places you want to go on vacation: maldives | japan | usa

3 kid's names you like: fawn | zenn (haha) | zephyr (even though i know it's wind)

3 things you want to do before you die: be in a happy, passionate marriage | travel to all the beautiful places with my darling friends | lead a more fulfilling life

3 ways you are stereotypically a guy: i can hit you, really hard | i wear man's shirts to sleep | i can drive well! REALLY!

3 celeb crushes: angelina jolie | brad pitt | takuya!

3 people i'd like to see take this quiz: kenny sia | mr brown | my dad


i think it's time i get back to work......

feng has already announced the news. but i'm gonna add on to it.

on 19 june 2005, shawn chia became the first aa2-kia to get married. after a VERY last-minute flurry of events (he told us about it on 17 june!), we made it to the reception, complete with angpow and trophy!

i can't imagine getting married at such a tender age. shawn's wife is a year younger than us! it just seems so unreal - to set up a home, binding your life to another, have kids...... i guess if you've found the one you think is THE ONE and he/she feels the same, marriage is but a natural next-step. i guess other than the fact that you are now legally bound to each other, it's not much different from when you're just boyfriend-girlfriend.

but it seems like such a momentous milestone. especially when taken so young.

in a way, i am envious, of the mutual love that these couples have. and i wish that i am in such a union. but no matter how deliriously in love i can be, i'm still so unprepared for such a major leap of faith.

but enough of the thoughts. here comes the photos! complete with really hilarious ones of stomach-egg feng in the back of a van! muahahaha

so proud of our glittery wedding present to shawn. (feng's very efficient contact got this trophy done&delivered to us in 2 days!)

with mr & mrs chia at their yummy reception on the 2nd level outdoor deck of al dente at esplanade

aa2 reunion!

we went kinda crazy at the back of rayner's van

bet u'v never seen feng like this. arhaha

gracie in prison

sorry feng. damn funny, i cannot not blog. wahaha

argh. bloody annoying.

#1. i lost my cardholder.

my nice, new (relatively) red cardholder that held ALL my atm cards, my debit card, my giro-linked ez-link, my condo access card, my namecards & some friends' namecards, $70, my vip cards and my driver's licence.

i either dropped it, or some stupid thief stole it outa my bag when i was coaching at toa payoh swimming complex.

i hate toa payoh. i hate stupid thieves. i hate having to go to the police station (even though the policeman's quite cute & nice) and the lousy-customer-service banks and the transitlink place and the driver's licence place.

when i got home, my sister gave me $2.50 (in coins) for the next day's transport, and a plastic wallet that she had lying around. she finds my penniless-ness very amusing. hrmph.


#2. i had to use the old $1 (ship series) note that's been carefully preserved in my pouch for eons.

went to starbucks early this morning for my daily coffee, i ALMOST didn't have enough money to pay for it. there was $4.60 in my pouch...not enough for my $5.30 tall mocha.

was gona embarassingly say that i didn't have enough money please let me go draw...until the old $1 caught my eye and told me it's time for it to change hands and it's sick & tired of being in my pouch.

it's been in there so long. i miss it. =(


#3. rude people should die horrible deaths. especially after they bump into me and step on my slippers.


#4. smelly people should kill themselves. why? why do smelly people always make sure they're around me?


RAH.

daryl sng (hey! same surname as me!) blogged a post that tickled my funny bone:

the guide to blogging etiquette

1. always bow before you blog.
2. when you blog, do remember that the knife goes in the right hand, and the fork in the left.
3. always end your posts with "thank you, it's been wonderful talking to all of you. godspeed".
4. polite bloggers never use the words "asshat" or "aardvark". whether "sexy motherf***er" can be said in polite company remains a matter of much contention. particularly on the question of how to pronounce asterisks.
5. the proper way to end a first blog is with a little kiss. no tongue.
6. and, especially, no tongue down there.
7. remember, if you forget which keys to use, a simple little memory trick is that you should start from the outside and work your way inside. hence, posts like "poiuy!" are the height of decorum.
8. when someone visits your blog, be sure to offer drinks.
9. if you are a male blogger and said visitor is female, please remember to raise your hat when the visitor enters your blog.
10. yes, you must have a hat.

thank you. it's been wonderful talking to all of you. godspeed.

"it's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you"

how true.

for years i believed in what i felt was underneath. despite everything i saw.

but i guess in the end, actions do speak louder than words.

i guess sometimes, it's not what i feel, but what i actually see, and what you show, that matters.

i still believe that my heart is right. even after everything, i still believe that what i feel is underneath is indeed there - the values, the innate things i hold so dear about you, the silent things about you that few people know.

but it's what you do that hurts me most.

i know kang fei better, after his passing.

the anecdotes and testimonials his close friends and family shared last night told a tale of a passionate young man who had beliefs and goals far greater than i have, and who, in his 22 years, have touched more hearts deeper than i ever will.

will i ever be so selfless?

the service made me think: if i am to die tomorrow, will so many people be able to say that i truly touched their lives? will so many people reminisce my past and my passions? will so many people come to bid me farewell? will so many people love me and be able to honestly say that i loved them and treated them well?

me being my closeted self, will so many people even know me?


i see people who love themselves more than they'll ever love anyone else. am i like them?

i don't want to be.

---------------------
it's ironic, that the one person i'm able to talk about all these things with, is the one who has caused me the most pain. thank you dear, for last night.

Friendship leaves a smile where Love left tears

netty, thanks for blogging this

i never thought that i will have to attend a funeral at this age.
the funeral of a friend who had just turned 22.

i haven't seen him since JC. he's my council junior, and when i received an sms informing me of his death, i had to look through my yearbook to make sure that the face i have swimming in my head matches the one above his name on the page.

though we're not close and have not kept in touch, i remember him fondly from the little time i had with him. in my mind, he's cheeky and witty, perhaps a tad rebellious, but a good boy. i don't even know why i think of him this way.

it came as a shock to me, but i guess death at this age always will. leukemia (i can't even spell it right without checking it up). i heard that he was supposed to be doing ok and a match had been found in his brother. but he caught pneumonia sometime last week and his condition deteriorated.

he passed away on 11th june 2005. he will be sorely missed.

it strikes me hard - how i have not thought of him since i left JC 5 years ago, yet his passing has caused me such sorrow. it seemed unreal, seeing his picture on the orbituary page of the straits times.

in loving memory of a friend in heaven - yu kang fei.

in a place colder and lonelier than i'd ever thought it'd be.

cliched, but it's true -
the lyrics of every sad love song sound like my tale.

i drown myself with numbing trance,
to shut out the unforgettable words.
i close my eyes tight, so i wouldn't see
all that reminds me of us.

but my heart still feels. acutely.

it's been awhile...

so many thoughts, yet words can't seem to be formed well enough to express them.
i've said what i've needed to say. i think.

you're tired. and so am i. so very very tired.

so drained from all the crying.
so exhausted from all the explaining.
so sore from trying to understand.

coz i don't. i really don't understand.
and you don't either.
or so you say.

now i feel a rawness too deep for tears.
now i wonder if i'd just been stupid.
so stupid to go in so deep.

it's so hard to walk away.
and you say it's hard for you too.
you're hurting. well, so am i.

how can 2 people be so important to each other,
yet have to be apart?
if i mean as much to you as you say i do,
then how can you do this to me?

so many whys you can't answer.
or choose not to.

in one instance, i lost.
so many things i held dear.

now i hide behind normalcy.
i put on my mask of smiles.
i bite back the words,
hold back the tears.

just to go out there,
just to keep myself occupied.

after all the anger, the talks,
the betrayal, the love,
we try to pick up the pieces.

we try to stay apart,
but somehow, we always find each other.
so we tiptoe around it,
and speak in normal tones, of normal things.

yet it still haunts me.
and perhaps it haunts you too.