zenn bites...

on this "evil" day, i found out about organ transplants.

last night, yaoqi asked us for information on organ donations in singapore - he needed it for some GP thing. in the event of sudden death, who gives authorization for organs to be donated? do you have to sign up to be a donor? etc etc... xiang and i gave him blank looks while our minds searched for info on this, and came up with next to nought.

so i yagoohoogled and asked my colleague about it when i came into the office today. this is what i found out:

according to the human organ transplant act (hota) of 1988 (and amended in 2003), all singaporeans and permanent residents above the age of 18 and below that of 60 are automatically organ donors - a system known as the opt-out program. this excludes muslims though, coz of their belief that they should die "whole" - so for muslims, they have an opt-in system, i.e. they choose to sign to be organ donors.

so for all non-muslims: unless you choose not to be a donor, your organs can be taken from you, by law, in the event of death.

i vaguely remember receiving a letter about this, but don't think i paid much attention to it. at the age of 18, i was feeling rather invincible, and the face of death had not yet made itself that known to me.

now, 5 years down the road, at the age where my peers are getting married and my friends go to the wakes of people our age, death seems to loom.

in my dark hours, i've oft thought of how it would be like to die and disappear from the face of this earth. will people miss me? have i led a meaningful, fulfilling enough life to even be worthy of the release that death brings? how does it feel, to die? a sudden blank in a quick death? the beautiful torture and numbing pain of a long, slow one. which would i choose? if i even had a choice.

always on my mind, is also the fact that the vulnerability of humans may mean that any of my loved ones may leave me before i'm ready for them to go (if i'll ever be ready). how will i handle it? right now, the devastation of not meeting up often is enough to make me go crazy. how will i feel if i'll never get to see you again?

i try to grasp every day. because i fear. i fear that i will lose you. i fear that i will never touch you or hear your voice.

and i fear that you will never again hear me tell you how much i love you.