zenn bites...

that i'm still upset is, i guess, natural. but i'm glad that i've got friends who care, like feng who asked me out so that i didn't have to brood about it alone.

in the company of feng, loon, benny, hock and kris, things seem less foul.

and i learnt that when the going gets tough, i still turn to the one i've been turning to over the past 5 years.

and he's still there for me.

sometimes when my pillar of strength is shaky, and i feel like i can't count on it at all, things happen that regain my confidence in it, and i lean back on it once again. it may be a mistake, and perhaps it is no longer mine and mine alone. perhaps it never was.

but at least our foundation is still strong.
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photos from the night, when i sought solace and these beautiful people lightened my heart:

such geeks these boys are that we had trouble pulling them away from their computers. one on a half-lived rampage, the other on a half-living computer. and there you see the nerd lord hock scolding the keyboard that just didn't want to sit on the stool (it fell with a loud clatter. twice.).

my darling minmin and a scrunched-up nerd, before she left for breko's with loon:
i sat in the back of the beetle after i finally managed to drag the geeks away from the computers. this same backseat i'd disappeared into earlier, when hock went to pick his mum up and i tagged along - she didn't realize that i was in the car till hock asked me a question, half way through the journey. =/

we went to join feng, loon and kristina at breko's, where we had shiok brownie and caesar salad that came with mayo instead of caesar dressing. loon navigated his way through his baked potato that came with broccoli.
and so it was another lovely night out, even though i went home with the same jumble of thoughts that had almost driven me insane in the afternoon. and yesterday. and today.

i'm not that kind of girl. and i don't appreciate being treated like one. i don't appreciate the crossing of lines, and the breaking of trust. i don't like this self-loathing, this repulsive feeling.

i choose to not deal with what happened. for now. and perhaps that's wise. or not. i don't know.

i don't know.