this nagging feeling.
there are days when i feel on top of the world, when nothing can drag me down and i'm sealed up in my little wonderland where the sun shines brightly, the stars twinkle, the rainbow's a perfect curve, and a cow jumps gleefully over the moon.
and then there are the OTHER days - filled with dread and dark skies, self-consciousness and self-disgust. when almost every thought seems negative and everyone i speak to seem cold. when i constantly think, "it's not them, it's me".
the constant struggle to figure out what it was that i did wrong, or whether i did anything at all. the need to defend, and yet not knowing if there even is a war ensuing. a misunderstanding? over-sensitivity? just plain pms?
confidence flees and i shrink back into my little hideyhellhole - alone physically, yet it's so so crowded here in my head. thinking for myself, thinking for others, thinking of what others think of me, thinking if they should bother me, thinking thinking thinking.
those who matter to me can affect me the most. but then i guess that's quite a duh thing to say. those who don't matter, well...sticks and stones...but it's never all that simple either is it?
i wish i can shrug it off and just say "i don't care".
regretfully, i can't.
-----
you know you're having a bad day when the simple act of making a cup of tea causes you to scald yourself.
there are days when i feel on top of the world, when nothing can drag me down and i'm sealed up in my little wonderland where the sun shines brightly, the stars twinkle, the rainbow's a perfect curve, and a cow jumps gleefully over the moon.
and then there are the OTHER days - filled with dread and dark skies, self-consciousness and self-disgust. when almost every thought seems negative and everyone i speak to seem cold. when i constantly think, "it's not them, it's me".
the constant struggle to figure out what it was that i did wrong, or whether i did anything at all. the need to defend, and yet not knowing if there even is a war ensuing. a misunderstanding? over-sensitivity? just plain pms?
confidence flees and i shrink back into my little hideyhellhole - alone physically, yet it's so so crowded here in my head. thinking for myself, thinking for others, thinking of what others think of me, thinking if they should bother me, thinking thinking thinking.
those who matter to me can affect me the most. but then i guess that's quite a duh thing to say. those who don't matter, well...sticks and stones...but it's never all that simple either is it?
i wish i can shrug it off and just say "i don't care".
regretfully, i can't.
-----
you know you're having a bad day when the simple act of making a cup of tea causes you to scald yourself.
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