zenn bites...

liberated.

i wonder how i'd ever put up with all that.

i am strong! *flex muscles* and i'm glad i've gotten myself out of the dark hole and moved past everything.

i'm glad i've finally allowed myself to open my eyes to the farcical illusions i'd so tightly hung on to.

i'm not burying anything - it is my past, and it will always stay with me. all the beautiful memories, all the nightmares, all the sweet gestures, all the nothingness.

but i'm stowing them away. a lesson learnt. long-drawn out, but well-taught.

i lost someone whom i'd considered my best friend - and perhaps that in itself was an illusion on my part.

but i've found myself. the part of me that was often buried when in your company.

i'm not gonna take no shit from you anymore. i still want the friendship that was the basis of our relationship. but for me to stay a good friend, you have to be a good friend too.

familiarity and comfort doesn't mean diminished respect and regard. there were things that i tolerated, that i no longer will just stomach silently. there're things that i did that i now wish i didn't do; there are things i didn't do that i now wish i did.

before you expect something from someone, look unto yourself and see if you can do the same for that person.

i'm probably being mean saying this, but i don't owe you anything. i willingly did everything, and i guess i'm supposed to say that i expected nothing in return. but no. i did expect. i expected you to never break my trust, i expected you to respect me and everything i did, i expected you to be truthful.

it's the expectations that killed me.

do i regret? no. am i bitter? i don't think so. i still care. i'm glad that we can still talk. and i still love you. though no longer in that way.

it's a friendship that i still want to have. and i hope that you feel the same.

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"wish we don't get angry with each other the next time we meet".

i wish that too. fervently.